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Old March 6th, 2003, 01:34 PM   #51
PapaG
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Dear President Bush,

Take all American women who are within five years of menopause, train us for
a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks,
moisturizer with SPF25, Prozac, hormones, chocolate and canned tuna. Drop us
(parachuted preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan and let us do
what comes naturally.

Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff
like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make even
armed men in turbans tremble.

We've had our children, we would gladly suffer or die to protect them and
their future. We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left
already. And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good
man with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightening.
We have nothing to lose.

We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet and
the grapefruit diet in gyms and saunas across America and never lost a pound.
We can easily survive months in the hostile terrain of Afghanistan with no
food at all.

We've spent years tracking down our husbands or lovers in bars, hardware
stores or sporting events....finding bin Laden in some cave will be no
problem.

Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in a new government? Oh
please----we've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws and extended
families at Thanksgiving dinners for years .....we understand tribal warfare.

Between us, we've divorced enough husbands to know every trick there is for
how they hide, launder or cover up bank accounts and money sources. We know
how to find that money and we know how to seize it....with or without the
governments help!

Let us go and fight. The Taliban hates women. Imagine their terror as we
crawl like ants with hot-flashes over their godforsake terrain.

Sincerely
The Mature Women of the United States
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Old March 6th, 2003, 04:35 PM   #52
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The student nursing class was making their first rounds at a local rest home. When they came to old man Jones they watched as the old nurse gave him his nightly dose of one Valium and one Viagra tablet. Seeing this one of the students asked why the strange combination was given every night. The old nurse explained that the Valium was to help him get to sleep and the Viagra was to keep him from rolling out of the bed.
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Old March 6th, 2003, 05:05 PM   #53
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A Texan is way up north in some BIG city when he needs to take a leak. He finds an empty urinal and starts his business. A yankee walks in and uses the stall next to Tex.......................
Yankee, Nice hat Bub. Where you from?
Texan.., Texas, The great Lone Star state.
Yankee, You know, we have more taxis here than anywhere else?
Texan.., You know we have more pickups than your state has ever seen?
THE BRAGGING CONTINUES BACK AND FORTH UNTIL THE TEXAN ZIPS UP AND STARTS TO LEAVE........
Yankee, Hey boy, Up here we wash our hands before we leave the bathroom!
Texan.., Well son, In Texas, We don't pee on our hands!!

















<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'>[/b][/quote]<span style="color:blue"> </span><span style="color:blue"> </span><span style="color:blue"> </span>
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My VeeDubs..........
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Old March 6th, 2003, 05:23 PM   #54
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Two blondes walk into a building... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.


ThrasheR
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I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

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Don't worry about other people.Most of them don't care about you.
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Old March 7th, 2003, 12:26 PM   #55
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A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate
funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind
the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket
rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the
doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into
laughter. When confronted, he said: "I'm sorry, I was just
thinking of my own funeral -- I'm a gynecologist."

At that point, the proctologist fainted.
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Old March 7th, 2003, 04:03 PM   #56
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Told by a kindergarden girl.

"HOW TO CATCH AN ELEPHANT"

First you dig a really big hole and fill it half full of ashes. Then you get a can of peas and line them up around the edge of the hole. When an elephant comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ash hole.
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Old March 7th, 2003, 04:14 PM   #57
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Quote:
Originally posted by eyounger@Mar 6 2003, 05:05 PM
A Texan is way up north in some BIG city when he needs to take a leak. He finds an empty urinal and starts his business. A yankee walks in and uses the stall next to Tex.......................
Yankee, Nice hat Bub. Where you from?
Texan.., Texas, The great Lone Star state.
Yankee, You know, we have more taxis here than anywhere else?
Texan.., You know we have more pickups than your state has ever seen?
THE BRAGGING CONTINUES BACK AND FORTH UNTIL THE TEXAN ZIPS UP AND STARTS TO LEAVE........
Yankee, Hey boy, Up here we wash our hands before we leave the bathroom!
Texan.., Well son, In Texas, We don't pee on our hands!!

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'>
<span style="color:blue"> </span><span style="color:blue"> </span><span style="color:blue"> </span>[/b][/quote]
That joke is used over and over...no one seems to realize that the problem with not washing hands is notthe urine but other accumulated things...urine is quite clean in fact(that doesn't mean you should drink it). Someone at our school just did an artical in the paper about this...8 out of 40 boys were seen washing their hands before leaving the restroom, GROSS.
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Old March 8th, 2003, 02:29 AM   #58
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a silent neighbor lady watching bremelo seeking canadian pinstriping lurker~

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unkl Ian View Post
Don't worry about other people.Most of them don't care about you.
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Old March 10th, 2003, 06:26 AM   #59
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Talking

Things My Mother Taught Me


1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
- "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
- "You better pray that'll come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
- "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle
of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
- "Because I said so, that's why!"

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
- "If you fall out of that swing & break your neck, you're not going to
the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
- "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
- "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
- "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
- "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
- "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
- "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
- "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't
exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
- "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
- "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
- "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who
don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
- "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
- "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
- "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
- "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
- "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
- "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
- "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
- "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
- "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE.
- "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
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Is it beer thirty yet?

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Old March 12th, 2003, 08:07 AM   #60
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A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the woman at the teller window "I want to open a damn checking account."


The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"


"Listen up, damnit. I said I want to open a damn checking account now!"


"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank."


The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language.


They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer, "Sir what seems to be the problem here?"


"There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank."


"I $ee," says the manager, "and i$ thi$ bitch giving you a hard time?"
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Old March 12th, 2003, 08:09 AM   #61
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Just found out that I have high cholesterol, so this caught my attention:
For those of you who watch what you eat...
Here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the
truth after all those conflicting medical studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
the
British or Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than
the British or Americans.
3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than the British or Americans.
4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer
heart attacks than the British or Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and
suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently
what kills you!
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Old March 12th, 2003, 08:23 AM   #62
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<span style="color:red">Kid:</span> Mommy, is God a woman?
<span style="color:blue">Mom:</span> no honey, god isn't a woman
<span style="color:red">Kid:</span> So is God a man then?
<span style="color:blue">Mom:</span> no honey, god isn't a man neither
<span style="color:red">Kid:</span> Also is god white?
<span style="color:blue">Mom:</span> no, God isn't white nor black, or man nor woman
<span style="color:red">Kid:</span> . . . . . Oh I get it, so God must be Michael Jackson!
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Old March 19th, 2003, 10:34 AM   #63
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Husband
TO MY DEAR WIFE:

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.

I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.

The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be sleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

==================================
Wife
TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, cricket etc. on TV

Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
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Old March 19th, 2003, 07:42 PM   #64
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Nick, are you hiding in my house? [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/funny.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/funny.gif[/img]
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Old March 20th, 2003, 08:06 PM   #65
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An old hillbilly was driving down the road one day when he lost control of his car and went over a cliff. He just barely managed to jump out and snag onto a spindly little tree growing out of the rocks. He hung there a minute then started yelling , HELP, SOMEBODY UP THERE HELP ME. Just then a booming voice from the heavens said, HAVE FAITH MY SON AND LET GO OF THAT TREE. The hillbilly hung there a minute thinking then replied, IS THERE ANYBODY ELSE UP THERE ?
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Old March 21st, 2003, 07:05 AM   #66
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What's the best form of birth control after 50?
Nudity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and
refrigerator.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life?
When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mom's have Mother's day, Dad's have Fathers day, what do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?
Her navel.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
Bingo machine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a retarded baby?
They named him Sum Ting Wong.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the cage, along with a recipe.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the Cuban National Anthem?
Row, row, row your boat.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this."
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Old March 21st, 2003, 06:17 PM   #67
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Three strangers at a small terminal in the Texas Panhandle, are awaiting their shuttle flight.

One is a Native American passing through from Oklahoma. Another is a local ranch hand,

on his way to Fort Worth for a stock show. The third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab

student, newly arrived at the Texas "oil patch" from the Middle East.

To pass the time, they strike up a conversation on recent events, and the discussion drifts to

their diverse cultures.

Soon the Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout radical Muslim.

The conversation falls into an uneasy lull. The cowpoke leans back in his chair, crosses his

boots on a magazine table, tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face.

The wind outside blows tumbleweeds and the old windsock flaps, but no plane comes.

Finally, The Native American clears his throat and softly, he speaks:

"Once, my people were many, now we are few".

The radical Muslim raises an eyebrow leans forward and sneers:

"Once my people were few, and now we are many! Why do you suppose that is?"

The Texan shifts the toothpick to one side of his mouth and from the darkness beneath

his Stetson says in a drawl:

"That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet. . .."
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Old March 24th, 2003, 02:28 PM   #68
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THE LONE RANGER

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat
down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall
cowboy walked in and said "Who owns the big white
horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his
gun belt, and said, "I do, why?" The cowboy looked at
the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you'd like
to know that your horse is about dead out there!" The
Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside, and sure enough,
Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone
Ranger got water for the horse, and soon Silver was
starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger
turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run
around Silver, and see if you can create enough of a
breeze to make him start to feel better. Tonto
said, "Sure, Kemosabe," and took off running circles
around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait,
the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his
drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the
bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do,
what's wrong with him this time?". The cowboy looks
him in the eye and says,......

Scroll down



(I just love this...)
scroll down








"Nothin', but you left your Injun running
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Old March 24th, 2003, 02:32 PM   #69
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Why your dog really goes outside.
Requires Windows Media Player. I am not sure if it works on differnt ones. Sorry bout that.

Dog
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Old March 25th, 2003, 01:03 PM   #70
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Duck Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When
they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in
heaven...don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over
the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and
although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman
accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St.
Peter chains them together and says "Your punishment for
stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck, and
along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is
another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same
admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be
chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she
steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day
St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever
laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The woman
remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of
eternity? "

The guy responds, "I don't know what you did, but I stepped on a
duck!"


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Old March 25th, 2003, 02:52 PM   #71
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The little rascals went to school one day and their teacher told them, today we are going to think of a word and use it in a sentence. Froggy raised his hand, stood up and said "Clubhouse" After school we are all going to our clubhouse. The teacher replied, very good Froggy. Then Buckwheat raised his hand, stood up and said "Dictate". The teacher quickly said that is a pretty big word Buckwheat. Are you sure you can use a word like that in a sentence? Buckwheat said Yes'm, turned around and said How dat dictate lat nite Dawla?
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Old March 26th, 2003, 02:03 PM   #72
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Ten Dollars
============

Fred and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year.
Every year Fred would say, "Edna, I'd like to ride in that there
airplane." And every year Edna would say, "I know Fred, but
that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten
dollars."

One year Fred and Edna went to the fair and Fred said,
"Edna, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year
I may never get another chance."

Edna replied, "Fred that there airplane ride costs ten dollars,
and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a
deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet
for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you,
but if you say one word it's ten dollars."

Fred and Edna agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds
of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard.
He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word.

They land and the pilot turns to Fred, "By golly, I did
everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you
didn't."

Fred replied, "Well, I was going to say something when Edna
fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."
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Old March 27th, 2003, 09:06 AM   #73
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A mouse looked through a crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife opening a package; what food might it contain?

He was aghast to discover that it was a mouse trap!

Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning, "There is a mouse trap in the house, there is a mouse trap in the house."

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell you this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me; I cannot be bothered by it."

The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mouse trap in the house."

"I am so very sorry Mr. Mouse," sympathized the pig, "but there is nothing I can do about it but pray; be assured that you are in my prayers."

The mouse turned to the cow, who replied, "Like wow, Mr. Mouse, a mouse trap; am I in grave danger, Duh?"

So the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected to face the farmer's mouse trap alone.

That very night a sound was heard throughout the house, like the sound of a mouse trap catching its prey. The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught.

In the darkness, she did not see that it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught.

The snake bit the farmer's wife.

The farmer rushed her to the hospital.

She returned home with a fever. Now everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient.

His wife's sickness continued so that friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.

The farmer's wife did not get well, in fact, she died, and so many people came for her funeral the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide meat for all of them to eat.

So the next time you hear that someone is facing a problem and think that it does not concern you, remember that when the least of us is threatened, we are all at risk.

..
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Old March 27th, 2003, 09:15 AM   #74
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1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?"

4. I don't do drugs anymore. I get the same effect just standing up fast.

5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."

6. I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.

7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

9. Snowmen fall from Heaven ... unassembled.

10. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and sh*thead's.

11. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

12. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

13. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

14. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

15. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

16. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
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Old March 27th, 2003, 01:04 PM   #75
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Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage,
hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it.
Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb
towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray
all of the other monkeys with cold water. After a while,
another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all the
other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when
another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys
will try to prevent it.

Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage
and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana
and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all
of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and
attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will
be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace
it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is
attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment
with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey
with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth.

Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is
attacked. Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no
idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why
they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the
remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water.
Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to
try for the banana.

Why not?

Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been
done around here.

And that, my friends, is how company policy begins.
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